Engaging in healthy conflict with children

Patience and respect need to be shown to both adults and children.  Having healthy conflict requires listening and understanding your conversation partner. When we have authority during a conversation, it is easier to dismiss our responsibility of displaying our desire to understand. 

It is natural to struggle with this; often, by the time we have conflict discussions we have been hurt or disrespected.  It is not an easy task to set aside your feelings or become open to hearing another perspective. 


Teaching children to actively listen to you and validate your words can help you feel understood and more accepting of their thoughts afterwords.  Teaching this mutual respect requires you to also validate the child’s perspective and be able to express your thoughts back to them. 

With this dialogue format, both partners will become more understanding people and be better prepared to find realistic solutions or compromises.  Lastly, teach children through example to recognize conflicts that require a simple apology and change in behavior. 

If there is a conflict that does not need lengthy exhausting dialogue, make it short and simple by acknowledging their feelings, apologizing, and changing your behavior. 

We often expect this conversation model from children but fail to show them these interactions are a normal part of adult life as well.  When a child models this conflict format, be sure to show you recognize their effort and appreciate it.